Rebounds Are For Basketball, Not Relationships

Ok, yes I get it! Breakups are really hard! I mean, “I want to put your clothes in a car and set it on fire Waiting to Exhale style” hard. Of course, we’ve all heard that the best way to get over an ex is to get with the next, but I strongly disagree. If you don’t want a healthy long term relationship, by all means go for it. But if you are seeking something meaningful, take some time alone so that your next relationship has a fighting chance. Here are four reasons why you need to quit your rebounding ways.

To Fall In Love with Yourself All Over Again

Many times we lose ourselves in our relationships. We become conjoined at the hips to our partners. We do everything together and lose our individuality. We spend less time with friends and sacrifice the thing we did alone to spend every available moment with our significant other.

Now that the relationship is over, take this time to remember you. Get back to your interests, do the things you’ve been neglecting.  It’s ok to be selfish right now.

Additionally, when breakups occur we have the tendency to down ourselves.  You’ll beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong and why you couldn’t make it work. When it’s over, the only reason to ask “why” is to avoid making the same mistakes in your future relationship. However, this is no time to jump into dating someone else.

Take the time to feel the emotions that you’re feeling, work on your flaws and then focus on your greatest qualities. Don’t run to another partner seeking validation. Validate yourself by restoring your self-confidence. When you are in love with yourself, you can show others how to love you and you’ll refuse settle for less.

To Heal

Many times we force ourselves to move on because we are afraid of being alone or want to feel appreciated. Other times we are afraid that if we wait too long, we’ll miss our opportunity to date someone who is currently available. STOP! There’s a reason for the pain you feel after a breakup, it’s to teach you a lesson.

We should allow ourselves to feel that pain and sort through those emotions. Stop dragging the pains of previous breakups with you from relationship to relationship.

 Anyone who is interested in dating you should be concerned with your emotional health. If they choose to move on because you are not ready for a relationship, they are not meant for you. You should never be manipulated into being with someone nor should you risk your emotional health to please someone else.

Focus on your healing.  If you never fully heal, you are likely to make your wounded heart worse. Your heart is a muscle, give it time to heal before putting it under pressure again.


To Focus

This is the time to focus on you! Who were you before your relationship?  What is it that you want to accomplish in life? What do you want from your future partner? Are you where you need to be to attract the love you truly desire?

If you are satisfied with other areas of your life allowing love to blossom won’t be as challenging.  Focus on where you want to be and the steps you need to take to get there. When you are clear about what you want for yourself you will be able to better determine who would be a good fit for your journey.

To Prepare for Your Future Partner

It is unfair to date someone as a rebound. They may have qualities that you genuinely like and you may even fall in love with them, but are you truly capable of giving them your all? If you rush into a new relationship, you are likely to make the same mistakes of your previous relationships and you may also hold some insecurities associated with your exes.

 It is unfair to push the negative attributes of an ex onto your new mate and even more unfair to bring the negatives of a previous relationship into your new relationship. If the person you are interested in truly cares about you, they will respect your need for time and space and not try to drag you kicking and screaming into a new relationship. They will be concerned for your well-being and your heart.

You won't be single forever but taking time for yourself is necessary to attract the things you truly want in life. Allow your heart time to mend so that when you are ready to love again, you are giving your future partner your whole heart and not just broken pieces. 

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash